When my growing girls flip flopped between the comfort of playing with dolls and then reaching out to try on lipstick, my view was compassionate amusement.

Now I am the one flip flopping and I am not feeling particularly compassionate, or amused.

Today I am flat out blue. One of those girls is leaving home to start a life in Washington, DC.

She is determined, lovely, eloquent and brave enough to have made the decision without having a job. All this while friends have been telling her she was foolish.

Well everyone has their opinion, what I know is that we respect people who take chances, go ahead, and believe that it will work out, and it has; and all my pride is not banishing the blue.

So why am I so blue? This daughter has not been in the house for more than a month at a time for the past four years. Recently graduated from college, she has been home for five weeks, just the two of us, and the dog and the cat.

I have more time now. I am not doing the drive bys (this is where you are in such a hurry to get to your appointment, you leave your kid somewhere and then call on the cell phone to make sure they got in). Yes, I was often a crazed single-parent.

For five weeks I have enjoyed folding her laundry, feeding her, hearing about her day. I like all of that, but seriously. I need to dig deeper. Do I feel guilty? Do we parents ever do enough? Am I afraid I won't have enough going on when she is gone? (If you know me, you are laughing here).

I did not cry when either daughter went to kindergarten or college, and I always make jokes about the way mother eagles push their young ones out of the nest and they either make it or Not! Today I cried after I dropped her off at work.

This blue is another curtain closing on my role as Mom. It is another nail in the passing of youth. I can deny the unease of touching my toes, by not trying, but it is impossible to deny that the flipping between busy-Mom and free-Mom is ending.

Does this make me a crone? I love crones, but I am not ready to be one; the title is still for other people. I love being a Mom.

To make matters more intense, I have been sorting family pictures.

Part of this transition is a craving for order. The feng shui consultant has come and gone, and I have projects. I want to enter the next phase peacefully and free of any clutter.

Whew, I do feel better. It is ok to flip flop between happy, sad, and proud.

I did the best I could do, and eagle moms are smart, so out you go girl! Tomorrow, I am buying all of the girls in my family new lipstick!

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